Such an inspiring post title, I know. But it’s true. Don’t believe me? See me documenting sweet baggy clinic shorts … this was last November. X-rays, much time off, strength training, eventually MRI, more time off, much cross training, the whole nine yards. It’s been a season of injury and rehab longer than expected, but just two weeks ago in July I ran (my longest run since last September’s 2021 Eau Claire Marathon) 50 minutes on the trails thinking, “yes, this is a turning point. It’s clicking even but for a few moments here and there. My stride. I’m bounding, not analyzing. I’m playing outside again and running! I’m running! I’m coming out of this.”

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I don’t know if I said it out loud or just thought all of this, but it must’ve been “out loud” somehow as a deer tick “heard” me and said back, “hold my beer.”

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Later that weekend … 5 days straight of chills & fever, sweating out my sheets at night – except I usually couldn’t get out of bed, stiff neck where I couldn’t move or put my neck / head down eventually at night. A few nights in a row I’d find myself out in the living room from ~2am to 7am doing this weird “tripod” sit so as not to cough, move, or disturb my neck and pain shooting through my spine to my temples. In and out of sleep, crying, and shaking / sweats. The tick won. We found it before things got nuts – between my toes with a bullseye rash and Lyme (and a few other tests on the tick panel) came back positive. Full disclosure, I’m feeling good again and am attacking this on all fronts. I’m very hopeful we caught it quick and we did get the tick out – that blasted tiny itty bitty deer tick. I absolutely cannot describe how small of a creature and how quickly it literally brought me to my knees. We are fragile broken creatures friends. Fragile and broken. Our strength is only afforded to us on loan and sometimes only on a need to know basis. It’s been a very sobering couple weeks.

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I say this not to “compete” for any pity or suffering awards. I’ve given myself enough pity, so I don’t need anymore from others and my suffering wouldn’t even make honorable mention compared to millions everyday battling chronic pain, mental / physical disorders, and the like. I say it only to sober us all up … life and our quality of life is something we don’t deserve. Be thankful. Right now be thankful. Take inventory. I’ve been in a time of extended prayer and writing lately and maybe one day I’ll write more and share more, but if you have a need for prayer and/or healing, please contact me – PM me, comment below if you’re comfortable, txt, call, all of the above. Keep fighting, keep moving, and keep living well even if your goal is your next meal. If running has taught me anything, it’s that the darkness will pass and dawn can be the most beautiful time of the whole day.

2 thoughts on “Fragile and Broken

  1. The message of keep moving rings clear in so many ways. Keep moving to feel the gift you’ve been given to live, keep moving to keep the darkness at bay, and keep moving to experience the life that is before you. You must keep moving first before you can get to the ultimate step(s) of running with joy.

    1. yes, it can be a chicken / egg thing sometimes … the move sometimes induces the freedom / joy and sometimes the joy / freedom induces getting out there, but the skill & discipline of keeping the body moving (whatever that looks like) is certainly by design!

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